Thursday, April 12, 2012

Scorpion Saga III - a bathroom bludgeoning!

So much for my self proclaimed pioneering spirit! This monster had me literally dancing about on tippy-toes, screeching ''What do I do? What do I do?". I was hopping around, just like one of those mean old spinster elephants in Dumbo, when Monty the mouse stalks into their huddle to teach them a lesson!

Daddy and both boys were splashing happily in the tub when this HUGE scorpion made a dash for it across our bathroom floor. The full grown critter was dark dark brown, so fortunately it stood out against our light brown cork tiling. I was sitting pretty on the can, minding my own business (not doing it!), with a lizard towel hoody open on my lap, waiting for a squeaky clean kid to be deposited into it, when I spotted the ghastly giant, high-tailing it away from me by the side of the bath.

There were only a couple of places it could have come from - likely the towel cape I had just shaken out on my lap - or from the nasty bath rag Daddy had just intercepted from our eldest boy's grasp.. or the bathtub toy box.... agghh! All three possibilities put my babies directly in the line of fire! The creepy-crawlies really like the tub toys - last year a humongous wolf spider nestled itself into the bath corner tub toy organizer... I haven't used that toy pocket since my run in with that hideous furry arachnid!

From where the scorpion stationed itself - it's stinger awaiting a cleansed foot to descend from above -  no-one else but Momma could see the wretched creature, and with all the men of the house naked and as vulnerable as the plastic ducks bobbing around them, it was up to me to step up and save the day - Go Momma!

So I dithered around, my mind flip-flopping between the only two acceptable modes of extermination my husband has taught me - duck-tape, or scissors... ? When his voice broke my hesitation... ''There's a shoe..!'' Daddy suggested, nodding to my kicked off trainer. And so I seized my weapon and whacked the little bugger!

As I dropped the shoe, I allowed myself  a full body shudder, and a further icky dance commenced, where I flailed around the bathroom like a lunatic, trying fruitlessly to shake the heebie-jeebies out of my system. My kids were a little stunned by Mommy's weird contortions, and subsequently, the pulverized miniature alien glued to the floor by it's own body fluids.

It had splatted quite messily, and on a closer examination of the critter's corpse, I could see some whitish secretion. Oh god! It was looking like I'd murdered a fellow Momma, and her innocent eggs were now spewged across my bathroom floor. To which Daddy congratulated me further! My two year old crouched in close - seduced by Mommy's ghoulish reaction and the cautionary words "Be careful baby - it's dangerous!"

Although I did the deed. I was more than happy to let Daddy be the corpse cleanup crew,  busying my heroic self in the bedroom with the boys while Daddy mopped up the remains.

Size does matter to this Momma - regardless of Daddy's warnings that the babyies are the more malevolent -  and this latest brush with evil has definitely revamped my scorpion awareness. A once more mindful Momma is back to scanning floors, shaking towels and banging out shoes!

Three scorpions before Easter! Surely it's time to call the exterminator? Daddy thinks not. Apparently one invader every couple of months is just par to the course in Texas. I'm quick to point out to Daddy that we're already onto invader number 3 inside of three months - and now I've got the blog to prove it!


  1. Love this well written piece. I share your terror when it comes to these particular creatures! My biology teacher has tried to convince all of us in the Master Naturalist Certification course that we should carefully return them to the outdoors....not me, I go looking for the biggest hammer I can find!
    Peggy Wilfong

    1. Thanks Peggy - I think I'll add 'big hammer' to my list of scorpion extermination methods!